EAVESDROPPING.

Hey there, sorry for not posting for a long time am really sorry, just that I've been very busy with stuffs, that's what we call it when we don't want to go into details. Am on twitter by the way and here is my handle, @call_me_debbie.
I love hanging out alone sometimes, it helps clear my head, if you haven't tried it before you should, goto somewhere no body knows or will distract you, sit and think please no negative thoughts, I was sitting by my self sipping my bottle of sprite, you know how it is when you are on your own not trying to listen to someone's conversation, but at the end you find yourself eavesdropping, I wasn't even trying, a girl was forced to breakup with her boyfriend because of circumstances, like she didn't want to but she had to, her reasons or the two lovers reasons were, I just couldn't help countering each one in my head :

Source : abc

AGE MATES ; does it matter? Our society has created this whole notion that as a lady you must marry a guy older that you with at least two years, but I still ask does it matter? This problem has destroyed so many relationships, just because they felt it won't work because the girl is same age with them or older than them.
FINANCE; This I can understand to an extent that it does affect a relationship, nobody wants to go into marriage without financial security.
I WONT BE READY WHEN YOU ARE; I know it does take a while before guys are ready for marriage, majority actually, but I have seen and heard about guys who marry early and doing very well, so am not a 100% with this answer.
FAMILY WONT AGREE: Getting the blessings of your family is really important, but does it have to control your happiness, does it have to dictate who you can or can't marry, so many people ended up not been with the love of their lives because of silly reasons given by their families, am not suggesting going against them but there are times you do need to put them in their place.
AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU; Are you the one to dictate what's good and not good enough for me? This reason I sincerely do hate the most, like let me decide, let me make my own decisions don't make them for me
Listening to her complains, I ached to go to her and advice her not to throw away her happiness just because of silly reasons today, that she might regret tomorrow, it may seem like the best decision now, it might actually end up been the best decision she ever made, who knows? But her happiness should be her main priority.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Over 6ft tall, dark, handsome, God-fearing, six packs, good dentition, caring, loving, nice and friendly to me but rude to other girls, yes almost every girl has a list like this, I just gave you a glimpse into my mental checklist of my kind of perfect guy, don't call me a dreamer because am not, the God I serve will definitely do it for me, forgerrit he does wonders yeah. Having a mental checklist has blinded some girls to the extent they forget to ask very important questions at the beginning of a relationship, Mr Tall, dark and Handsome, your fine face cannot deceive me, I cover my eyes with the blood of Jesus AMEN, I ask you questions, you answer, call me a detective, or inquisitive, yes I accept it all, it's for my own good, and yours too, we won't want problems,

"What's your Genotype? "

God heals the sick raise the dead, but he also said do not tempt the lord your God, you are AS am AS let's not tempt the almighty God bikonu, I can't be running from one church to the other looking for miracles when it can be avoided.

"Where you born a man or a woman?"

Yes, I need to know this, this one that everywhere you look, you seeing transgenders, sexy men, and Handsome ladies, I have the right to know who am getting married to, so Mr Emmanuel, where you at any point in time known as Emmanuella? 

"Christian, Muslim, atheist, pagan or anywhere belle face?

This is important, so I don't use my prayers to spoil your own, and you don't use your own to spoil my own, there's nothing wrong for a Christian to marry from any other denomination, but I'd rather we pray to one God, after all a family that pays together, stays together

"Do you have a child? One or two or three or four?"

I would like to decide for myself if I want to be a step mother or not, no imposing,tell me upfront if am okay with it, fine, if am not, to your tent Oh ISRAEL!!!

"What if I run my mouth too much, will you correct my brain with slaps? "

Is it an habit? Have you done it before? You have anger issues or???  Will my face be redesigned from its original design?? I am too fragile for this please

"Can you cook?"

Please before anybody starts attacking me, there are men who cook, baby if you don't, be willing to learn, for the sake of the nights of indomies, or bread and suya, that I will be too tired to cook

"What's your view on cheating? If it's okay to you, can I also cheat too?"

Asking all these questions and more doesn't guarantee a good relationship or marriage but it's better to ask than to keep mute about it. It's  hard to predict if a relationship or marriage will last the test of time or dissolve like sat in water.


Add your questions to the list.

Y

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DATING A GIRL AND A WOMAN

I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply, However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur.
Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a real woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around. A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women, Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice verse. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well. If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls, However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a real woman. And if you can’t spot the difference
just yet, here are some pointers.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.”
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available… Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature real woman, or someone with an immature mind set. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A MAN AND A BOY

I learned to love myself. I became independent, confident,and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage, instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up, I went from being a boy to becoming a man.
And as a man, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a boy. A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a real woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet,
here are some pointers.
1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may
have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life) or another purpose or passion. A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings, instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
6. A man knows when to INVEST in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready, but the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunch with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up. Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.
*To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games.

MEN MARRY THE WOMEN THEY WANT TO MARRY

The idea that men are clueless allows them to get away
with all manner of bad behavior that would have been
intolerable just a generation or two ago.
Men know that most women want marriage. Women
need to know that many men will do everything in their
power to get all the benefits of marriage, except without
commitment. While you’re getting exasperated thinking
he’s stupid because he spends money on you, he’s ruining you.
Men understand women on a level that you can never
begin to grasp, because it’s from the mindset of a hunter.
And a good hunter has an intrinsic understanding of his
prey. Women make the mistake of thinking that they are
wiser than men. Immoral men understand a crucial component of the
female psyche: For most women: Hope springs eternal,
so if he plays his cards right, he can string you along for
years without proposing.
Most of us know at least one woman who waited for a
man to marry her, waited sometimes for a decade or
more. She played house with him, took care of him,
cooked, cleaned, etc. but he never married her.
Finally she ends the relationship and he marries the next
woman he dates after only six months or maybe less. I
think we all know a woman like this because it reinforces
something we already know: MEN MARRY THE WOMEN
THEY WANT TO MARRY. And if you’re not that woman you
are not just it. It’s absolutely foolish to play wife for a
man who can’t be bothered to actually marry you.
Bottom line is; if you've reached the point in your
relationship where it’s time for “The Talk” and it hasn't
happened, or he brushes it off when you raise the
subject, move on. Why? Because men who want to get
married, get married. It’s not that he’s not into marriage,
or he’s still dealing with “issues” from a previous
relationship, or whatever other folder he puts out there.
There’s only one reason a man doesn't get married: HE
DOESN'T WANT TO. At least, NOT TO YOU. Don’t fool yourself. A man who wants you will be rushing YOU to the altar. Why? Because he’s terrified that you’ll
get away from him. A man in love is all too aware that he
has a pearl beyond price. Further he knows there is a
plethora of other predatory males just waiting to snatch
her away.
You don’t have to beg him or persuade him or coerce
him, trap him with pregnancy or fast for days. The only
thing you’ll get for all your trouble is a decimated self-
esteem and the knowledge that you wasted your skinny
years on a man who didn't want you in the first place.

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED

It's easier for you to love someone than for them to love you in return, we all know the thrilling experience of falling in love, swooning, their voice makes you melt, leaves butterflies dancing in your stomach, when they smile, the whole world smiles with them just because you love them, but being loved is a whole different thing, knowing there is someone who makes your happiness their priority, who goes the extra mile to put a smile on your face, you smile, they smile, you cry, they want to wipe those silly tears away, just because they love you.

Unfortunately most times, we don't love the people who love us and the ones we love, doesn't love us in return, this circle goes on and on without ending, it's frustrating when you are trying to make someone see reasons why you love them, it's like pouring water into a basket, complete waste of time, you may catch a grenade for them according to Bruno Mars, jump in front of a train for them, they'd still not appreciate it, I sincerely don't blame those people or have a problem with them because you can't force the heart to love someone. I had a first hand experience with this, there was this guy I loved and cared for, I did everything just to please him, even to the extent of displeasing myself, but yet he didn't even care for me one bit, fast forward one year, I met another guy that loved me but I didn't, he would call, text, visit, care and yet I had no feelings for him, no matter how much I forced myself I couldn't show him the love he deserves, at that moment I realized it was what I was experiencing now, that the first guy was experiencing.

Some people are lucky to fall in love with someone who loves them, everything falls in place, the sun shines brighter, everything is perfect, they can go through thick or thin, just because they love each other, how many people can boast of loving someone, that they know sincerely loves them in return.

KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!

Dear girls.
I heard you like bad boys. Those guys who act like they
don't care about you,which makes you try harder to make
them like you. Those guys who wouldn't reply to your texts
until later on,which makes you wait around & miss him
more. Those guys who act distant from you,which makes
you try harder to get their attention. Those guys who know
they can get a lot of girls,which makes you more afraid to
lose them. Those guys who would show you they're
interested one day then act different the next day,which
makes you too confused to make the decision to leave him.
Those guys who will make you fall for them but they can
care less,which makes you stuck & not being able to move
on cause you care too much. Has anyone ever told you you
deserve better than that? You probably have & you know
what? It's about time you realize that... If a guy likes
you,he'll meet you halfway. Simple as that. Don't settle for a
bad boy when you deserve a good man.
# KnowYourWorth

WEB OF CONFUSION

My phone rang, no caller ID, I have this long standing rules of not picking up calls with no caller ID, but that day, I did, The sound of your HELLO!! Did magical things to me, all this while I thought I was strong enough to boldly say I am over you, been there done that or good riddance to bad rubbish, the sound of your voice made me forget the thousand promises I had made to friends, I am never going to talk to him, I will never feel anything for him, I am so over him, he doesn't move me anymore, I was scared of the effect a simple Hello did to me, letting down all my defenses I said Hello too, I know the way you sound when you are tired happy, sad, confused, crying and trying to hide it, I think love does this weird thing of making you notice tiny little things about the one you love, you sounded broken, I miss you, I regret letting you go, God is punishing me for leaving you with the kind of girl I am with now, I wanted to drag you close and comfort you, but then I remembered how I cried, begged you not to go, I wanted to start singing for joy, because KARMA was doing wonders for me, but No your unhappiness was still my unhappiness, all I could do was offer words of encouragement and relationship advise, you begged for me to come back, I am tempted to, but I wasn't  ready to share a man with anyone, I wasn't ready to be the reason someone's relationship broke up, just the same way mine did , I missed you and wanted you in my arms again but common sense stops me from been dragged into your Web of confusion.

MY FRIEND, MY SISTER!!!

I grew up not knowing who my father was....

I was brought up single handedly by my mother though she remarried after some years as I grew up & later had 3kids younger than me.
My step dad was a drunk half d time & nice when he was sober enough to be..
Suffice to say he depended on my mom's little earning from petty trade & as a 'washer woman' It was rough growing up nd I vowed to be better
I struggled thru secondary school & even gained admission into a polytechnic...it was God's greatest gift for me.
It was there I met a Shola, who saved me from some guys in school on d way home when I could have been molested cos according to plp, I am beautiful...I never saw myself as one cos I could never afford all sort of things used by ladies to look beautiful.. So I guess am a natural beauty
Crystal & I became best of friends. She took me to her home, introduced me to her parents nd she practically sponsored me thru school.

In my final year, I met a guy through her, who was a family friend of her family. They were tight. I even thought they were dating at some point or must have had something together once...The guy had been out of the country for a while and was actually crystal's  elder brother's friend
I started sating the guy and 5yrs later (2008),we got married & traveled out of the country. Crystal  was in and out of relationships...she seemed to be unlucky in love..

All d while we remained friends and sisters & our bond got tighter nd stronger..
She comes to visit nd do business  in the UK where I resided with my husband. We have just a child, a boy, a copy of my husband. There was peace...until
Crystal was in another relationship and was jilted some weeks into marriage after all preparations done. Sadly!!
She was devastated and almost killed herself.

It was d most natural thing for me to invite her to come stay with me in London. She was with us for about 2months until she decided to head back to Nigeria.
8mths later, crystal gave birth to a beautiful girl for a new man she just met...
Out of wedlock...I was so at this but she said she decided to get pregnant & work at marriage later.
She came with her baby several time to UK to visit wt us and all was well. Though the man in her life was never able to as he was busy at work. She came twice
Her baby was 3yrs last year & they were both on holiday in London.. Shola stayed in an hotel despite my persuasions.

8mths after & My friend gave birth to a son...I was ecstatic for her & even encouraged her to get married to d man.

I couldn't live UK for a while & my friend couldn't come to visit as I usual. She didn't send pix of baby as she was advised against this by her pastor.

3mths ago, I eventually came to Nigeria for d first time since I left..& Now am pregnant wt my 2nd child.

1st point of call was my friend..
I went to see my friend & behold was a copy of my son...Shola wasn't expecting me...she was shocked as I was...f
I needed no one to tell me this.
Same birthmark, same spot as my son & husband.

He was my husbands son...my son's brother!
I fainted...
Woke up & lost my baby!
I was broken hearted.

Now after much stories..confirmation...apologies...
I am confused

What do I do?
I need HELP

FAKE FRIENDS

Real friends are hard to find, that will have your back, through the good times and the bad times, come sun come rain,fake friends are everywhere  they pretend they truly care about you and your problems so you can trust, but when given the opportunity, will stab you on you back without thinking twice them.

 I made a mistake of seeing a fake friend as a real one cost me my relationship. I met her when I got into the university, the very first day, I was young and naive, I had no friend, she came in a few weeks before me, so she knew most places already, she helped me through out the clearance period, since she had done her's, over time we became close, we would talk about anything and everything, I felt like I've found the sister I never had, I just started dating a guy, everything was going smoothly and fine, then we had a quarrel, I ran to her(sophie) and complained to her, she comforted me, told me what to do, the issue in my relationship was resolved.
Fast forward six months, I observed that my boyfriend who wouldn't go a day without talking to me, no longer calls or texts I complained to Sophie and she told me to ignore him and move on from the relationship, it was unlike her to tell me to give up on something that meant a lot to me, I ignored her advice and tried talking with my boyfriend to know what was wrong, finally he opened up to me that, he's been hearing so many things about me, how I didn't love him, and wasn't serious about him, and he is in love with another, I felt hurt and wanted to run to my friend Sophie, because at that moment she was the only one that could comfort me, I just had to ask him who told him all that, he told me Sophie, and that she was the best thing that has happened to him, and he was grateful to her for exposing the real person I was to him, the pain I felt from hearing she was the one who betrayed me was greater than what I was feeling initially, this was someone I considered my sister, took her home, introduced to my family, I regretted the day I met her.

CHEATER CHEATER

Why do people cheat? This is one of the most common question that is been asked today when it comes to relationship, marriages, it's surprising that infidelity is actually not uncommon among men and women, infact survey estimates that almost one fourth of all marriages and relationships  experience infidelity at some point, the results was gotten from those who admitted  to it or were caught.
I have read so many blogs, write ups, articles on reasons why people cheat,and I view them as flimsy excuses why people won't close their legs or trying to justify the act, there is no reason on earth why anyone should cheat on their partner, none whatsoever, if you tired of the relationship or marriage you walk out the door, instead of  hindering or ruining someone else's happiness, take the case of a lady who dated her spouse for 12 years and they eventually got married, happy ending right? That's what I thought too, but wait, hold that though, it recently came to light that he got his side chick (I like calling them chicken) pregnant not only that, he's been with this side chicken for 8 whole years, not 1 not 2 but 8, that's just the height of betrayal, am not saying or implying that it's just the guys that do it, the girls also do it, I personally know a lady who dates at least 3 guys at a time, I keep wondering where she gets the energy,dating one guy is stressful enough.
Cheating is just unfair on all levels, it's just not right, I mean if the sex isn't good in your relationship, and you feel there's no solution, or you into money but your partner doesn't have please and please pack your bags and give them the chance to meet someone amazing that deserves their love. Being faithful in a relationship is not mandatory it's not by force, no one is holding a gun to your head to say you must be faithful, but when you are in love, you won't kiss another person and not feel the taste of your partner's tears, you won't take off the clothes of another without seeing their heart breaking and bleeding, cheating is a choice not a mistake,
You do not love someone who you cheat on or plan to cheat on, keep the I love you out of your mouth and save it for that one person you would never risk loosing just for one good night.
tdbexperience.blogspot.com

There are faithful guys and girls out there, to that handsome guy out there that's faithful I will find you, and I will date you CAPICE???

What do you think about cheating?